- An Ode to Patton Oswalt
Saw you on your junket binge,
The Conan episode.
Frankly, Conan trying to be a ninja was preferable.
(and if you say it right, preferable
Does rhyme with episode)
You must be tired from all
That hard promo work, because
You weren’t off the wall funny.
Sunny days, but nothing you said
Made me laugh, your jokes were lead
Pipes with nothing in them…
I mean not even dangerous.
Your glib references to modernist poets
Failed to make me so wet
You know, down there.
Mr. vomit on the plane story
Did not even make sense, see?
I mean he’s on an airplane.
He must be good at something
Besides vomit and being strange.
Christopher Peet is funnier than you by far
Don’t know who he is? You sleep under the same stars
(ahem, dirty man, not like that). Don’t worry, the czar
Of guffaws might leave a tooth under your pillow.
So leave your door ajar.
I should have hit my own pillow sooner.
Your segment was a waste of time;
I could have found more amusement
Playing with a radio tuner.
But I still love you.Tweet